Never Tears
by icywarm
Summary: "Stupid, stupid Shizu-chan, just choose to take the tears, so we can live on together." The grave just stayed silent as I went through another lifetime without Shizuo.


**Alright, so I have the song Order Made by the band Radwimps stuck in my head. I first heard of it from this video…**

**http :/ www. youtube. com/ watch?v= LiUHTg84D1Q (Hint, hint. Remove the spaces.)**

**So, just like many other people (I've seen fanfics based on this about five times) I've decided that I would make my own version of it.**

**I also know that I have Nai Wata Shi and Coma to type up, but I update those everyday and I can't concentrate on anything with this idea assaulting my head. Strangest thing, I got the idea while cleaning my room.**

**I do not own Durarara! in anyway, shape, or form. And Walker and Erika deserve to be with each other.**

**Now, on with Never Tears…**

The first time the two lived their lives, they never knew. In fact, no one knew. Not even the one you call Erika Karisawa. You must be wondering who I am, correct? I'll tell you. I'm your other half. For this Erika, I'd be Walker. For Shinra, I would be Celty. I would need to know who you were before I could tell you who I was to you. But this is getting off topic.

To the two of them, I was the other. To Izaya Orihara, I was Shizuo Heiwajima. To Shizuo Heiwajima, I was Izaya Orihara. Though, neither of the two knew who I was. They didn't know I existed. Not until you realize it.

The first to realize it was Erika Karisawa, but no one believed her because of their hate for each other.

You know what they say. Hate is the highest form of love.

It was several lifetimes later, that Orihara Izaya realized it. At first, he didn't believe it, so I didn't reveal myself to him. It was during his twentieth lifetime, that he realized it. He did love Shizuo Heiwajima.

You see, you relive your life until you and your other half are united at last. You never remember your last lifetime. You do, however, have instincts, such as Erika ranting on about Shizaya. The first time she did, it was only the two's fifth lifetime. Another thing, the people in your life don't relive it with you until you get with your other half. They finally move on. They do, have something similar to a clone. I can't just have people disappearing in other's lives. So, when two finally are together, they move on in death. They leave behind a carbon copy of themselves in everyone else's lives. This copy does what they would have done in the situations they are presented with.

It was during Izaya's twenty-first lifetime, did I pay him a visit. I stayed in the form of Shizuo, which surprised him deeply.

"Shizu-chan! How did you get in here?" I could clearly the tone of panic in his voice. However, he did not move from the spot on his bed where he was previously sleeping.

"Shizu-chan being Heiwajima Shizuo. I'm not him. I'm the form of your other half. To give an example, if you were Celty, I'd be Shinra, and vise versa."

"Tell me why you're here." His voice didn't rise, nor did it quite. There was a tone of curiosity in his voice.

"You know that this is your twenty-first life, don't you? I'm here to tell you what you chose." When he said nothing, I continued.

"When you were created I asked if you wanted past or future. I knew the answer. No matter who you are, you always pick past. Everyone needs memories. Then, I told you that I would give you two arms, legs, mouths, ears, eyes, hearts, breasts, and holes in your nose. Everyone asks for a favor. One mouth. One mouth so that you don't fight with yourself; one mouth so you can only kiss one person. I told you that I would give you two hearts, since they are the most important. Most decline, saying they need one, so that they cannot live alone. You are not one of those people. You asked for one heart. I promised you that I would give the other to the one who most suited you. Then, there was one last thing. Tears. Tears are optional. You don't need them to live. However, it is almost impossible to find your other half without them. You took tears, even if you don't use them often. You have them. This is why you know Shizuo the other half of your heart, and you are his. Without tears, you cannot cry for anything. Not for happiness, sadness, pain, nor when you yawn resulting in tiny tears in the corner of your eyes. Shizuo never chooses tears. Not in any of these lifetimes."

"Why are you telling me?" He was skeptical. That was to be expected.

"So you can remember. I after the first time, I only ask if you want tears. You'd just pick everything else the same anyway. Now, good luck tempting him to pick tears."

You can only influence. You can't just go up and say, pick tears. They wouldn't remember. They pick what they think suits based on what they feel from the previous life. Telling Izaya of his birth let him remember his previous lives, showing him how he's changed. I think that now, I send the narration to him. Take in mind, his twenty-first life, is the first time Shizuo died before he did. We'll be skipping to then, at that time.

My heart ached. The whole ordeal had gone terribly, terribly wrong. All I wanted to do was make Shizu-chan wish he could cry. If he wished he could, he would most likely choose to have the tears. However, I never thought it would go so wrong. I never thought that Shizu-chan would _die_ as a result. It didn't work like that. I could feel that the other half of me was gone. I could feel the loneliness, the terrible hole his death had left on me. It as the first time he died before me. I remember. Did Shizu-chan feel like this when I died? He had to, half of him was gone. He just wouldn't know what it was that hurt. He's said that he's the only one allowed to kill me, however, none of those times did he kill me. Something else always got me first.

"Are you here to mock my brother in death? You're the one who did this, yet you come here." For once, there was something that sounded like anger in the younger Heiwajima brother's tone.

"Quite the opposite. I'm here to morn. I didn't want him dead. I never thought that it would turn out like this. All, I was trying to do was making Shizu-chan wish he had tears…" Kasuka just stared blankly {coldly} at me before turning to leave. The funeral had ended quite awhile ago. I walked until I was standing in front of Shizuo's grave.

"You dumb brute…" I wasn't surprised that there were tears falling to the ground. "I told you not to get up. I told you that it would injure you. But you got up, just because I told you not to."

What had happened is that I had organized a small traffic accident to happen. Big enough to injure him, but small enough as to not kill him. Surely, if he were to end up at the hospital, bones broken too much for Shinra to handle, he would wish for tears. But that's not what happened at all…

"_Ha-ha! Shizu-chan couldn't catch me if he tried," I was purposely being more of an ass than usual, just trying to get him to wish, wish that he had the tears. I lured him out, causing him to get run over a truck. It's an old trick, but part of a bigger one. He was hit, and sent flying into the front of another car. The car he had been sent flying into skidded, running into another car, and so forth and so forth. Shizuo was sent flying into mutable cars and trucks. Soon after, he ended up underneath an unmoving truck._

"_Shizu-chan, just stay there until everything quiets down!" There was no trace of mocking in my voice, only genuine concern._

"_Hell if I'll listen to you!" He lifted the truck up off of him, freeing the path of some still-running cars, which drove strait into him, knocking him over. This caused him to let o of the truck, which fell on top of him, crushing his chest, lungs, and heart. His heart. My heart. Our heart. It was at that moment that everything quieted down. It was at that moment, I felt the hole._

Of course, it was an accident. I didn't wish him dead. But now he was, and I had to wait until next lifetime. I paid my respects, and went home. I lived the rest of my lifetime knowing that his death was my fault. At least he wouldn't remember, but still, I would. Hopefully, when we're together at last, he'll forgive me.

During the next lifetime, I tried befriending him. It worked. I already knew how to stay on his good side, what he liked and disliked, and I didn't purposely tick him off. However, his life was short lived. Both Shinra and the doctors said something about not getting rid of enough stress, resulting in the tension of his anger/strength climbing to high, causing something in his brain to snap, shutting off the vitals one by one. The only thing I understood, it was quick and very painful.

For awhile, I tried befriending him, telling him about ways he could relieve tension. However, he never caught on, never wanted tears. Those lifetimes, I always died before him.

Once, I tried being even meaner to him, seeing if I could get him to fall into a depression, wishing that he could cry his troubles away. Oh, he went into depression alright. But, he's a better actor than Kasuka. No one knew until he stopped showing up. He didn't answer his cell, nor did he call anyone. Celty visited him, wanting to know what was wrong and, he was gone. The only thing left was the body. No note, no anything. After that time, I didn't try to make him depressed again.

At his funeral, after everyone had left, I stood at his grave, crying. Not that you could tell; it was raining. "Shizu-chan. You, you never choose tears. It's never tears. Please, choose them."

The first time I saw Shizu-chan in this lifetime, we were both five. My heart fluttered at what I saw. Shizuo Heiwajima was crying. He had chosen tears. It must have been before his strength appeared, because he was being bullied by two older kids. I instantly ran up to defend him.

"Leave him alone!" I knew I couldn't do much as a five year old kid, but I couldn't just stand there either.

"Get lost!" The kids beat both me and Shizuo.

"Thank you." It was Shizuo.

"Your welcome. My name is Izaya Orihara. What's yours?"

"Shizuo Heiwajima." I was surprised by how fast we became friends. I loved it. Then, there was the event of his temper and strength. I was the first person he used it on.

I had said something without thinking when we were in middle school. He lost it, and threw me out the window. At least we were only on the second story; otherwise, I was sure to die. I remember seeing his utterly terrified face as I fell, reaching out to grab me, only to fall short. I never saw Shizuo after that. I assumed that they moved.

After that lifetime, I couldn't find Shizuo for awhile, no matter where I looked. Then, I met him. Shinra introduced me to him. I had just watched him kick the ass out of every single on of those men. "That was amazing. I've never seen anything like it." Only I had, I had for who knows how many lifetimes. Shizuo only grunted in response. The next day, there were reports of a family being drugged to death by the father. The family, the Heiwajima's. He was hired by a man I didn't hire to chase after Shizu-chan.

Things went on. I never saw him with tears after the one time. But I was determined not to give up. Shizu-chan needed to be with the other half of his heart, and I needed to be with mine.

That lifetime, I still pissed Shizuo off. I did to him as I had done before I knew I liked him. However, I got an untraceable number, and sent him texts. Acting much like Saika.

Psyche Choose tears.

Tears.

You need them.

Can't live without.

Choose.

That went on. I had to tell him to choose tears, but I couldn't exactly go up to him and say "Hey, Shizu-chan, when you're reborn, choose to take tears, alright?" Hell no. One day, in this lifetime. I was walking through Ikebukuro, texting Shizuo as Psyche when a vending machine came out of no where, and knocked me down. It landed right on top of my rib cage, crushing it, making it impossible to breath. I quickly finished the text and sent it, right when my world went black. It read…

Psyche

When you die, and get reborn, choose tears.

This way, we may be together at last.

I love you, Shizu-chan.

You are my other half.

Izaya Orihara.

It's a shame; I didn't see his reaction to the text, or the reaction he got when he realized that he finally killed me.

For the next five or so lifetimes, I didn't hear a word of Shizuo. When I asked Shinra, he said he'd read something about some foreign exchange student in America being arrested and experimented on because of his inhuman strength and temper. I felt sick. Every time, America. Was he avoiding me?

"Excuse me, sir, may I ask you a random question?" I turned around to see none other than Shizuo Heiwajima.

"I don't mind. What's your question?"

"Have you felt as if you may be without something important? Everyone I've seems to say yes."

"I feel like I'm missing half my heart."

Shizuo smiled at me. "So do I, but not when I'm around you." I smiled as well.

We soon became boyfriend and, well, boyfriend. Though Shizuo refused to say I love you. "It's not the right time." Was always his answer when I asked him.

It was the day before our graduation ceremony. A whole bunch of men with guns broke into the school. They took hostages as the others ran. Shizu-chan and I were in the classroom of hostages. I had expected the guys to be taken out quickly, seeing as Shizuo was in the room What I did not expect, was Shizuo pushing me out of the way, causing a bullet to fly through his right lung.

Blood splattered on the ground as Shizuo looked up at me. "I lo-"

His sentence was abruptly cut off as I felt blood splatter my body. Shizuo's blood. Looking up, I saw one of the men holding a still smoking gun up to the back of Shizuo's head. "Hostages stay quiet. Anyone says a word; you end up just like this guy."

I felt uncontrollable rage towards the men. Shizuo was about to tell me the words I had waited lifetimes to hear, and they cut him off before he could finish. I think my rage was greater than any Shizu-chan had ever felt. The next thing I knew, the place was a mess, much more so than after Shizuo had gone through a rage, and the men were dead. That was a horrendous strain on my body. Everything stopped.

That was last life time. I'm no longer going to narrate. I don't want to narrate my life as it happens. It's horrible inconvenient. Especially when you narrate death. So I'm giving it back to the guy who was talking first. I refuse to call him by Shizuo's name and he never gave me a name to work with.

I just stood in that white space with Shizuo, waiting for him to choose what flavor tears he wanted. He looked at me, and said something I didn't expect.

"I want them all."

"Why is that?"

"So tears of sadness don't taste the same as tears of happiness or pity. So that every tear I cry has a specific flavor, telling you what emotion I'm crying of."

"Of course. Now show me your face full of tears. Show it to me with pride."

The tears wouldn't stop flowing from his eyes. It was the most he had ever cried in front of me. "Thank you. But, before you go, I have a question. Have we met before?" I smiled.

"Find the man who looks exactly like me. He holds the other half of your heart, and you'll move on together if you do. Just, tell him that you love him, and mean it."

**That is the end of this one-shot. I'm telling you this now; this was in no way planned, just like a lot of my other fics! I'd like to hear what you think. Now, I need to upload this. Then, I'll type up the next chapters of Nai Wata Shi and Coma.**


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